Chapter 9-1. On Kindness and Anger
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1. On Kindness
2. On Anger
1. On Kindness
⑴ It’s better to be a bad person than a weak one.
① Too many people take advantage of the desire to be good.
② Being busy is close to being bad.
③ Being busy is relative. If someone is worth your time, you can make time no matter how objectively busy you are.
④ I would advise Young-hye from The Vegetarian to be a selfish adventurer rather than a kind victim.
⑤ No matter how well you do, 30% will be haters, and no matter how badly you do, 30% will be fans.
⑵ Kindness is difficult.
① A quote from Jeff Bezos
○ One day, you understand that it’s harder to be kind than clever. Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice. Gifts are easy because they are given after all, choices can be hard. Will you be clever at the expense of others? Or, will you be kind? (ref)
② The benefits of kindness
○ Our primary motive for being kind is wanting to get closer to the other person.
○ Gaining trust from others is advantageous for long-term benefits. (ref)
○ Kindness is necessary to keep arrogance in check.
○ Kindness is similar to a noble cause. Because even small mistakes can be forgiven.
○ Relationships can break at any moment. That’s why kindness helps them last longer.
③ The risks of kindness
○ The other person might see you as easy to manipulate. This can later reduce your negotiating power in an organization. (ref)
○ Excessive kindness can spoil the other person, so it should be avoided.
○ Kindness based on goodwill can be exploited through rude demands, or used to label you as timid and try to control you. That’s why kindness requires courage. Be kind to those who appreciate it, but show the arrogant how scary you can be.
○ Narcissists trying to dominate others use fear, guilt, and responsibility. (ref)
○ It takes intuition to know if someone is appreciative.
○ I am not naturally kind. And I am not generous to the arrogant.
④ There is an optimal ratio for kindness.
○ This ratio is determined by the environment and one’s temperament.
○ The more kind people around you, the higher the ratio should be.
○ If you’re someone who finds greater life satisfaction by showing kindness, it’s better to raise the ratio.
⑶ I care about people who care about and respect me.
① I don’t even get that angry at rude people. I shouldn’t waste my energy unnecessarily.
② People who think they can control me because they’re infatuated with their own charm are wrong — because the moment they act that way, I lose interest and the premise falls apart.
③ An adventurer doesn’t miss the moment to leave. And doesn’t regret it.
2. On Anger
⑴ Anger is controlled by the amygdala.
⑵ Anger is a danger escape signal.
① Anger is useful when correcting misaligned hierarchical relationships.
② Being told not to get angry doesn’t mean not to feel wronged, but to express anger in a refined way.
③ Dissatisfaction and anger are the most powerful intuitions signaling that things are going wrong.
④ A quote from Jeff Bezos
○ Stress primarily comes from not taking action.
⑶ Anger is a driving force for success.
① It’s not that I’m better than others. I was just angrier than most.
② Bang Si-hyuk, CEO of BigHit’s Commencement Address at Seoul National University
③ Still, I want to be remembered as someone fun rather than someone angry.
⑷ Turmoil (e.g., Anger), more than any other emotion, must be used very carefully.
① Getting angry often leads to regret. It’s important to express anger in a refined way, and that takes practice.
② Composed emotions, gentleness, and principles create authority.
③ If you’ve gained everything you wanted, there’s no reason to stay angry. Anger from insecurity seems unnecessary.
④ If misused, anger can ruin things.
⑤ Anger consumes a lot of energy, making it difficult to sustain for a long time. This is why constantly being angry can lead to further mental exhaustion.
⑥ As you age, anger may become diluted.
Input: 2025.05.25 22:49